Christmas poem

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – Hospital Edition

by Anonymous

‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the ED,
The patients were arriving, without sign of reprieve.
The stockings were hung in the fishbowl with care,
In a way that infection control staff wouldn’t dare.
The patients were nestled all snug in their beds,
Hoping their discharge papers soon lay ahead.
The staff all dressed in festive scrubs and tinsel hats,
Hoped the night would be kind and leave time for some snacks.

When suddenly from triage arose such a clatter,
We all sprang to our feet to see what was the matter.
Out the front door we all raced with a flash,
Grabbing the crash cart, and a vial of Midaz.
The triage nurse arrived with the MET team in tow,
And shone her penlight on the person below.
“Well, what to my wondering eyes have we here,
an elderly gent who has drunk too much beer”.

He wore a red suit, had a beard, rode a sleigh,
He told us his name was Saint Nick by the way.
More rapid than magic he had an ECG,
Come quick, the nurse yelled, he’s having a STEMI.
Now, Morphine, now Plavix, now Heparin and Aspirin,
Call Xray, Cardiology – the kind that do intervention.
To the Cath Lab, they shouted, to the Cath Lab we bustle,
Go quickly they said, because time is muscle.

So up to the Cath Lab, the porters they flew,
With a bed and a defib and Saint Nicholas too.
Then in a twinkling the scrub nurses did join,
Exposing, shaving and prepping the groin.
Before I could handover and take off my gloves,
In came the Cardiologist having already scrubbed.
Dressed all in lead, from a head to a toe,
With a catheter ready and waiting to go.

“Everyone out without lead on their back”,
Called the scrub nurse who’s clearly leading the pack.
The artery punctured, the contrast injected,
The blockage identified, soon to be corrected.
With a blink of the eye and a nod of the head,
The team got to work, so they could go back to bed.
They spoke not a word, but got on with their work,
Of opening arteries blocked by too much roast pork.

After placing the stent and unblocking the vessel,
They all nod, let’s now hope he’s learnt his lesson
Cookies and beer, and too many mince tarts,
Is surely a recipe for myocardial infarct.

Lay off the Christmas cheer next time Saint Nick,
You’re lucky your reindeer got you here so quick.
Off to Coronary Care you’ll go for tonight,
You’ll have to delay your return North Pole flight.
Saint Nick shouts and waves as he’s wheeled down the hall,
Happy Christmas to all and thanks for being on call.